Review: Waffle Irons vs. the Horde

Waffle Irons vs. the Horde by Dr. Insensitive Jerk
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This 3.5-star review is a fair representation of my experience.

The premise is that Earth is about to be invaded by malicious aliens. Another group of aliens precedes the destructive ones. The second group has come to save humanity by taking captives and forcing them to train to fight the malicious aliens.

Our "hero", such as he is, employs malicious compliance to obtain the best living conditions possible. Think about the 60s era sitcom "Hogan's Heroes" as a reference point. I'm old. Sorry.

There were plenty of jokes along the way. Cultural misunderstandings twisted for our hero's benefit and our amusement. Consider this funny version of "Ender's Game".

This was a light and entertaining book. I laughed more than a few times. The subtext is mildly small-L libertarian which is odd given the conclusion of the book.

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Population 485 - A Goodreads Review

Population: 485: Meeting Your Neighbors One Siren at a Time by Michael  Perry

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A fantastic read that combines emergency medicine, the realities of rural life, the gallows humor that is necessary to survive high social and career pressures, with a person journey.  This is a book that will grab your attention and hold it until the last page.



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That Guy Is Goofy

Well, it is Goofy from a little different perspective.

Found via Reddit.

Can't Get No Respect

I got the following via email.  Despite my professed religious skepticism, I thought it was pretty funny.  The ending was a nice twist and represented some serious irony as well.

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone Brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Fathers business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for Him to do.

Amen!!!

The above was as I received it.  I did adjust the line spacing a bit.  It had been forwarded several times.

Just in case you didn't catch the irony, check the capitalization for all of the options; Black, Jewish, Italian, Californian, Irish, woman.

Four of the five capitalized categories are properly capitalized.  One is not.  We do not refer to Caucasians.  We refer to caucasions..or whites...or honkys...or crackers...or whatever.  The same holds true....or should...for "blacks".

The only category not capitalized was "woman".  So even in a joke where women are singled out as being God-like, or god-like as the case may be, then apparently can't get the same respect as the other categories with respect to capitalization.

A Big Cup

Very funny ad.  Pity some folks don't have a sense of humor.

Who Is Jerome Silberman?

Gene Wilder.

A great interview of Gene by Ernie Manouse.

She Likes To Screw

Stolen from someone, passed along to me via email.  I'm gonna use this one until it breaks!

Dating in 1960

You need to be able to remember the era to really enjoy this ... But even if your not old enough, this is funny, anyway!

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1957 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.

"Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"

"Iced tea, please," Fred said.

Mom brought the iced tea.

"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.

"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..."

"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.

"Uh...(gulp) really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"

"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.

"Yes," said the mother.

"As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"

"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail.

She greeted Fred.

"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother.

"The damned dance is called the Twist!"

Not...Quite...Like...That...

So the corporate home office sends a notice.  They are asking for the model, serial number, and barcode number for your company supplied laptop.

What should you send them?

The model, serial number, and barcode?

Disclose What?

Former journalist and current commentator Campbell Brown recently offered some thoughts regarding the need to fully disclose any potential conflicts of interest for things that she writes these days.  Her bit of honesty was revealing, refreshing, and pretty damn funny.  I think she is inimitable.

So in the interest of full disclosure, let me share a few more potential conflicts (that are mostly with my husband). Hopefully this will satisfy those who believe I am his ideological twin. For the deeply offended, contact info below.

Dan likes the Jets. But we all know that Eli Manning is inimitable. (Jets fans can reach me at @campbell_brown via Twitter. Tom Brady fans, you can look up inimitable on dictionary.com).

Dan works in finance. I think the financial industry is EVIL, with the exception of my husband. (Goldman Sachs—see above Twitter handle.)

I support Simpson-Bowles. Dan is opposed to tax increases during an economic downturn. But we are working on this one in couples counseling. (Grover Norquist, please call Dan directly. He has some influence with me except when he doesn’t.)

Dan wants to try for a girl. I think two boys are enough. (See couples counseling.)

Dan is obviously voting for Romney. I supported Obama in 2008. This year I am voting for…

Some things we should be able to keep to ourselves.

Unconsionable! The USS Jane Fonda?

There are times when things go just a little too far!  Such as the naming of US warships.

Both the American Legion and the Veterans of Foreign Wars issued a joint statement today condemning the U.S. Navy over the launch of its newest warship, the USS Jane Fonda.

...

The ship’s name, which had been kept under wraps until right before the launch, was revealed yesterday at a star-studded event presided over by Ms. Fonda.

Ms. Fonda made a statement prior to the launch, saying, "I dedicate this ship to the brave men who fought and died in Vietnam, especially those in the 66th Viet Cong Regiment."

That Just About Uncovers It

Potentially NSFW but probably safe enough for your better half to be looking over your shoulder.

Colour You Can Live In

From the PJ Lifestyle section of PJTV comes the 15 best skits from that classic comedy show, "In Living Color".

So Thick You Could Cut It With A Knife

Louis CK is not really my kind of comedian.  But the irony here is really thick.  Capitalism is the reason why we have all that technology!

I suppose the other option is that he is using some double reverse ironic ninjitsu.  Perhaps he is suggesting that if capitalism implodes and we have to go back to the barter system for a while, perhaps we will be better stewards when we bring capitalism back.

Karma Doesn't Always Work That Way

Courtesy of television impresario and executive producer, Chuck Lorre.

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #329

I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night. I've had chest x–rays, cardio stress tests, EKG's and colonoscopies. I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I don't have crazy, reckless sex with strangers.

If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed.

Demotivator - Consistency

More here.

Demotivator - Curiousity

More here.

Demotivator - Wealth

More here.

A New Biopic On Hitler?

I am sure you have seen many send-ups using this stretch of video.  This one is pretty damned good.  It is a little old.  It takes me a while to get around.

Hitler and the Bollywood Biopic from Gregory Atkins on Vimeo.

In Which My Chickens Come Home To Roost

Those that know me best, and my friends, not necessarily one and the same, but that is how it works some times...erm...

Those that know me best, and my friends, would tell my gentle readers that I possess a modest disposition towards the arcane and obscure.  I suspect that they would actually use the phrase "inane and irrelevant", but I do try to think the best of the people in my life.

My love of esoterica is not as pronounced as others.  Some prime examples of people a little more focused on reconditia would be the main characters portrayed by the cast of "The Big Bang Theory".  The obvious exception being the character "Penny" as portrayed by that vision of loveliness that is Kaley Cuoco.

Since we are on the subject of "The Big Bang Theory", that is one of our favorite shows here in the Todd household.  We find this program immensely amusing.  Many is the evening when we are howling with laughter over some insane premise made plausible by the thespian talents of the ensemble.

I find "The Big Bang Theory" hilarious because I recognize a few modest traits that I have in common with the characters.  I am then deeply, deeply, deeply grateful that I am not the sort of person to ever engage in the sort of techno-geek behaviors presented on this program.  I know for certain that my minor predilections would never lead me into those kinds of socially awkward situations.

I suspect my lovely and vivacious bride does not share that opinion.  I have no idea why.

Some time ago, I noticed that the Executive Producer, Mr. Chuck Lorre, has included a "vanity card" at the end of each episode of "The Big Bang Theory".  I recently learned that he has been offering these vanity cards at the end of all of his programs.

I first noticed the vanity cards at the end of the episode that aired on April 28, 2011.  This episode featured a monkey that appeared to be smoking.  The monkey was being studied by Amy Farrah Fowler, the girl who is also a friend but certainly not a "girlfriend" of Dr. Sheldon Cooper.  In this particular vanity card, Mr. Lorre thoughtfully sought to reassure his viewers that the monkey had in fact not been actually smoking throughout the show.  Although I was taken aback to learn of the heroin addiction problem. 

Having discovered this veritable treasure trove of minutiae, I thought that my beloved bride would be equally enthused to learn of this source of information and occasional humour.

Unfortunately, the combination of our television size and the selected font makes the task of reading these vanity cards quite difficult.  In addition to the "pause" button on the remote, we also have a "zoom" button to aid in the viewing of side boob and cleavage shots small text.

Having rendered the text readable, I elected to engage in a recitation.  I anticipated a warm reception from my beloved bride.  I imagined an enthusiastic response that included clapping.

This particular vanity card is number 206.  You can read the whole thing here, but what is the point of going there when I am presently going to rip off Mr. Lorre's work.

To create an appropriate re-creation of this event, you need to use your best "announcer voice" and read aloud the following passage originally written by the esteemed Mr. Lorre:

I think we can all agree that the cliche, "no pain, no gain," is a fundamental truth. When we experience physical pain in the gym, we gain muscles and stamina. When we endure hardship and sacrifice in order to succeed, we gain a feeling of satisfaction and achievement, not to mention financial rewards. When we truly embrace emotional pain, we gain compassion for the suffering of others, an appreciation for the fleeting nature of things, as well as wisdom and spiritual humility. Every act of birth is an act of pain. Our very lives are sustained by the suffering and death of plants and animals, who in turn are sustained by other organisms having a very bad day. That being said, I think we can also agree that this system sucks and needs to be seriously re-jiggered. Now I'm not saying I have a better approach than this pain/gain thing that's been in place for millions of years -- but that doesn't mean we couldn't start tossing around some ideas. For instance, why couldn't an infrastructure for life be developed around the theme, "no dream, no gain?" Sounds like heaven, right? Or is dreaming too easy? Would life quickly become complacent and cease to gain? But then, is gain really that critical? Or is gain the whole point? Is the fact that life exists at all proof that God or the universe hates complacency? It certainly explains why aboriginal people are constantly being murdered for the sake of "progress." It even explains why HBO went down the toilet.

Having regaled my beloved...and did I mention vivacious?...bride with this virtuoso spoken word performance, I laughed and turned to my beloved bride to inquire as to her thoughts on the occasion.

She was sound asleep in her chair.

Please stop laughing.

On the bright side, she never reads my blog, so she will never know about this little episode.

No...really....please stop laughing.

A Status Check On Your Activities...

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Internet.  Have a nice day!