In Which My Chickens Come Home To Roost

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Posted on : 9/17/2011 10:20:00 PM | By : Dann | In : , , ,

Those that know me best, and my friends, not necessarily one and the same, but that is how it works some times...erm...

Those that know me best, and my friends, would tell my gentle readers that I possess a modest disposition towards the arcane and obscure.  I suspect that they would actually use the phrase "inane and irrelevant", but I do try to think the best of the people in my life.

My love of esoterica is not as pronounced as others.  Some prime examples of people a little more focused on reconditia would be the main characters portrayed by the cast of "The Big Bang Theory".  The obvious exception being the character "Penny" as portrayed by that vision of loveliness that is Kaley Cuoco.

Since we are on the subject of "The Big Bang Theory", that is one of our favorite shows here in the Todd household.  We find this program immensely amusing.  Many is the evening when we are howling with laughter over some insane premise made plausible by the thespian talents of the ensemble.

I find "The Big Bang Theory" hilarious because I recognize a few modest traits that I have in common with the characters.  I am then deeply, deeply, deeply grateful that I am not the sort of person to ever engage in the sort of techno-geek behaviors presented on this program.  I know for certain that my minor predilections would never lead me into those kinds of socially awkward situations.

I suspect my lovely and vivacious bride does not share that opinion.  I have no idea why.

Some time ago, I noticed that the Executive Producer, Mr. Chuck Lorre, has included a "vanity card" at the end of each episode of "The Big Bang Theory".  I recently learned that he has been offering these vanity cards at the end of all of his programs.

I first noticed the vanity cards at the end of the episode that aired on April 28, 2011.  This episode featured a monkey that appeared to be smoking.  The monkey was being studied by Amy Farrah Fowler, the girl who is also a friend but certainly not a "girlfriend" of Dr. Sheldon Cooper.  In this particular vanity card, Mr. Lorre thoughtfully sought to reassure his viewers that the monkey had in fact not been actually smoking throughout the show.  Although I was taken aback to learn of the heroin addiction problem. 

Having discovered this veritable treasure trove of minutiae, I thought that my beloved bride would be equally enthused to learn of this source of information and occasional humour.

Unfortunately, the combination of our television size and the selected font makes the task of reading these vanity cards quite difficult.  In addition to the "pause" button on the remote, we also have a "zoom" button to aid in the viewing of side boob and cleavage shots small text.

Having rendered the text readable, I elected to engage in a recitation.  I anticipated a warm reception from my beloved bride.  I imagined an enthusiastic response that included clapping.

This particular vanity card is number 206.  You can read the whole thing here, but what is the point of going there when I am presently going to rip off Mr. Lorre's work.

To create an appropriate re-creation of this event, you need to use your best "announcer voice" and read aloud the following passage originally written by the esteemed Mr. Lorre:


I think we can all agree that the cliche, "no pain, no gain," is a fundamental truth. When we experience physical pain in the gym, we gain muscles and stamina. When we endure hardship and sacrifice in order to succeed, we gain a feeling of satisfaction and achievement, not to mention financial rewards. When we truly embrace emotional pain, we gain compassion for the suffering of others, an appreciation for the fleeting nature of things, as well as wisdom and spiritual humility. Every act of birth is an act of pain. Our very lives are sustained by the suffering and death of plants and animals, who in turn are sustained by other organisms having a very bad day. That being said, I think we can also agree that this system sucks and needs to be seriously re-jiggered. Now I'm not saying I have a better approach than this pain/gain thing that's been in place for millions of years -- but that doesn't mean we couldn't start tossing around some ideas. For instance, why couldn't an infrastructure for life be developed around the theme, "no dream, no gain?" Sounds like heaven, right? Or is dreaming too easy? Would life quickly become complacent and cease to gain? But then, is gain really that critical? Or is gain the whole point? Is the fact that life exists at all proof that God or the universe hates complacency? It certainly explains why aboriginal people are constantly being murdered for the sake of "progress." It even explains why HBO went down the toilet.


Having regaled my beloved...and did I mention vivacious?...bride with this virtuoso spoken word performance, I laughed and turned to my beloved bride to inquire as to her thoughts on the occasion.

She was sound asleep in her chair.

Please stop laughing.

On the bright side, she never reads my blog, so she will never know about this little episode.

No...really....please stop laughing.



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Comments (2)

Yes she may not read your blog but her kids might. LOL

Careful!! I know where you sleep!